He Looked Unfamiliar To Me

Today was the 15 year anniversary of my Dad's death. I kept busy all day running kids and going on a couple primary visits. Like I  always do on the anniversary of his death, I went to dinner tonight with my Mom, Jim, H., Nicole, and Jeremy. When I got home, I was looking for a picture of my Dad  so that I could blog about him.  After having no real luck, I grabbed my wedding album.  I started flipping through the pages and came across this picture of me with my mom and dad.  This picture is really the last I have of my dad.  He died about a year after Jeremy and I were married.  The strangest thing happened as I looked at this picture tonight.  He looked unfamiliar to me.  I didn't recognize my dad.  I panicked and started crying and then quickly ran to my closet so I could be alone.  I spent 24 years with my dad. I know his face.  I can remember the smell of dirt and sweat on him when he would come home after farming all day.  I can see him smirking at me when I would say something funny.  I remember the sound he made walking down the hall to my bedroom. But for some reason tonight, I stared at this picture and didn't recognize him.  Am I forgetting about him? Why did he look so unfamiliar to me? I was so scared thinking about not remembering what my dad looked like.  So many thought went through my head as I cried in my closet. I am still upset.  What if by next year I don't recognize my dad at all?  What if one day I completely forget what he looked like?  Then I wondered, what if I don't recognize him when I do see him again? What if he doesn't recognize me?  These thoughts are scaring me. I can't stand to even think about it.  My hope is that when I do see my dad again, it will be as if nothing happened.  We will run and hug each other and pick up where we left off…which I DO remember, was me trying to figure out what dress to wear to Katie's wedding!:)